So many of us look outside of ourselves to obtain what we need when it should be derived from within and supported by our environment. The practice of SELF anything — love, care, determination, faith, etc. — is imperative to one’s regimen to attain a well-balanced lifestyle. We live in an overstimulating environment full of opinions, advice, or prescriptions that at times we no longer recognize which way to go. We are susceptible to the human condition of communal necessity but the lack of a self-care practice of awareness, accountability, and responsibility may lead to decision making that isn’t truly ours. The importance of establishing boundaries of your own unique self needs to be exercised to be in one’s unique ownership and power of themselves so that every decision is made from a sound mind, body, and spirit leading to no regrets just understanding and lessons.

Asa part of my series about “How To Learn To Finally Love Yourself” I had the pleasure to interview Krista Nerestant. Krista is a certified spiritual medium and teacher, as well as a trauma coach and hypnotist. She is an advocate for women and children. She is an inspirational speaker who focuses on the power and understanding of the four bodies of our unique SELF — physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. Find out more at self-ishlifestyle.com

Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.

Icame out of the spiritual closet in 2016 as a spiritual medium and psychic which propelled me into the world of life coaching, hypnosis, and self-development. Choosing an alternative/holistic approach to heal from excruciating nerve pain from my neck down to my arm uncovered the need to heal not just my physical body but also my emotional body.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of wellbeing in their relationships?

I am filled with so many emotions at the debut of my first book, Indestructible: The Hidden Gifts of Trauma, available on September 8, 2020. Excited is indeed the visceral feeling I am experiencing.

Indestructible: The Hidden Gifts of Trauma is an inspirational and teaching memoir of self-mastery. In a world of HARDSHIP, we discover our POWER. But finding that strength can be challenging even on the best of days. That’s why Indestructible: The Hidden Gifts of Trauma spotlights the unbroken spirit of a survivor. I share how I endured multiple traumas as a child in the Philippines and as a young immigrant in the United States. As a spiritual medium and trauma coach, I thrived through the power of perspective: archetypes, courage, self-love, resilience, and more. My mission is to help others on their healing journey. Indestructible is where I share how I transformed each of my trauma into gifts for others to use as a resource. I rose and faced every obstacle to champion for the life I wanted for myself and my family, and in the process fell in love with the journey. Most importantly, Indestructible encourages its readers to answer the question, “What are my hidden gifts of trauma?”

Do you have a personal story that you can share with our readers about your struggles or successes along your journey of self-understanding and self-love? Was there ever a tipping point that triggered a change regarding your feelings of self acceptance?

I struggled with controlling not only my life but also my siblings’ lives. As the second oldest of five orphaned siblings, I took the role of both mother and father at the young age of 21 years old which led me to become a controlling, judgmental, inflexible person. The tipping point for me to change was when I suffered a debilitating nerve pain from my neck that ran down my right arm causing me to stop working at my salon. It resulted in financial loss which was the drive for most of my endeavors. I lost control of all the aspects in my life I thought I had control of — my body and my business. Through the physical healing journey, I discovered the need to shift the focus to me. To reflect on me rather than projecting or deflecting the issues around me. I finally accepted being a spiritual medium which was a part of me since I was 7 years old but hid through rational thinking, bulldozed through life in survival mode, and focused on making money to help my family. I finally accepted my role in the destruction or disruption of my world which ultimately was trying to control everything and everyone around me rather than just being present and honoring everyone’s truth and life choices.

According to a recent study cited in Cosmopolitan, in the US, only about 28 percent of men and 26 percent of women are “very satisfied with their appearance.” Could you talk about what some of the causes might be, as well as the consequences?

Societal perceptions and lack of self-esteem have been the main cause of such a reality. Most of it is due to the fact that we accept and allow other’s opinions or views from the outside world rather than nurturing our very own inner world with empowering, loving, and nurturing dialogue. This leaves many susceptible to giving their power away to others rather than being in power.

As cheesy as it might sound to truly understand and “love yourself,” can you share with our readers a few reasons why it’s so important?

Loving yourself is key to being at your best and highest good because no one knows you better than you. Not your medical doctor, therapist, coach, parents, children, friends, partner, etc. You are your longest and closest commitment. The reflection staring back at you, no matter what state you are in, is yours. So how would you love yourself so that you live a life of your own and choosing?

Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships? What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?

I feel that people settle due to, once again, the need for societal tendencies and lack of self-esteem. Never settle for anything less than your perception of perfection. We are all individuals and characteristically unique. So how do you honor yourself while also honoring your partner’s uniqueness?

When I talk about self-love and understanding I don’t necessarily mean blindly loving and accepting ourselves the way we are. Many times self-understanding requires us to reflect and ask ourselves the tough questions, to realize perhaps where we need to make changes in ourselves to be better not only for ourselves but for our relationships. What are some of those tough questions that will cut through the safe space of comfort we like to maintain, that our readers might want to ask themselves? Can you share an example of a time that you had to reflect and realize how you needed to make changes?

Am I happy?

What led me here?

How do I proceed with mind, body, and spirit intact?

What resources do I need?

Is this healthy?

These questions led me to decline a marriage proposal allowing me to never settle in any relationship which led me to marry the “one”. It also allowed me to persevere through life opening my first business Salon Crimson as well as my second entity, Self-ish Lifestyle. Such questions nurtured resilience within me to survive through a trauma filled life, delivered a miracle baby (only had a 7% chance of conceiving), and birth my debut inspirational memoir, Indestructible: The Hidden Gifts of trauma.

So many don’t really know how to be alone or are afraid of it. How important is it for us to have, and practice, that capacity to truly be with ourselves and be alone (literally or metaphorically)?

So many of us look outside of ourselves to obtain what we need when it should be derived from within and supported by our environment. The practice of SELF anything — love, care, determination, faith, etc. — is imperative to one’s regimen to attain a well-balanced lifestyle. We live in an overstimulating environment full of opinions, advice, or prescriptions that at times we no longer recognize which way to go. We are susceptible to the human condition of communal necessity but the lack of a self-care practice of awareness, accountability, and responsibility may lead to decision making that isn’t truly ours. The importance of establishing boundaries of your own unique self needs to be exercised to be in one’s unique ownership and power of themselves so that every decision is made from a sound mind, body, and spirit leading to no regrets just understanding and lessons.

How does achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love then affect your ability to connect with and deepen your relationships with others?

Understanding and loving your own SELF is a refreshing state of being. It is the difference between aggressive vs assertive, attached vs. non-attachment, overreaction vs responsive, objective vs triggered, and so on and so forth. Your relationships deepen with others due to aligning yourself with the same energy which feeds the environment you yourself would like to be surrounded by as well as the persons around you. If one isn’t in the same wavelength or frequency, then the practice of self-love enables you to recognize what you will tolerate or won’t tolerate from a productive and effective state, not from a destructive or irrational manner.

In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?

Lots and lots of honoring your truth through self-accountability, awareness, responsibility, and emotional healing. When we are triggered, understand that the initial emotional reaction is a biological alarm that tells us there is a need that is not being met. You are entitled to those needs but the question is, are you providing that need for yourself as well as communicating it in a crystal clear to your expectations from others? If the answer is yes, there is no compromise. Someone doesn’t win or lose. When self-accountability, awareness, and responsibility are practiced by everyone, as a society we can progress towards effectiveness and growth in a healthy manner.

What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?

• Boundaries — establishing my boundaries for any situation is imperative to my overall state of being. As a spiritual medium and psychic empath, I am sensitive to mass crowds. So when I know I will be at an event of more than 50 people, I set my boundaries to maintain that my thoughts, my actions, my words, are mine and no one else’s while also allowing spirited conversations with others.

• Meditation — 15 minutes of quietude and stillness allows me to reconnect with myself and disconnect from the outside world so that my chakras are aligned and my four bodies, mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual, are in a balanced state empowering me to move throughout the day productively.

• Affirmations — every day is different. Some days I want to be an introvert, others days I am an extrovert, while some days my focus is on creativity. Whichever day it is, affirmations allow me to support, sustain, and feed those focuses. My go-to affirmation is abundance (money), peace (harmony), and progress (development).

• Asking the right questions — this technique allows my mental prefrontal cortex to be involved in how to proceed in any situation as well as acknowledging my emotional response.

• Inner Child fun — Laughter is the best medicine. I really believe that. This practice at least shifts your mood, making me recognize that I have a choice in how to respond. Whether it’s watching comedy specials, reading a funny book, going out with friends, or hanging out with my 5-year old whose curious mind and energetic dance moves makes me laugh out loud, reminding me that there is so much good in the world.

• Qigong Breaths — My mind is constantly on, due to jumping from wearing one hat to another in my responsibilities as a multitasking business-minded woman. I am an entrepreneur, author, speaker, colleague, mother, wife, friend, and sister. The need to exercise my Qigong breaths to be present in my body, calm my mind, nurture my heart, and cultivate my spirit is a necessary strategy of mine to be in constant alignment to pursue the purpose of the roles I chose in this lifetime.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?

I am biased on this one because I will say the number one podcast I recommend is my own — Selfcaretuesdays.com It is dedicated to empower, elevate, and encourage your never-ending self-care journey towards self-mastery. I am one of 3 hosts and we are raw and uncensored in discussing being a woman in a male-dominated society, successful entrepreneur, being mothers, and the charged societal climate of today and how we can overcome and triumph in spite of the challenges.

I am an avid reader and there are so many books that have impacted my life. But one that I highly recommend is Thunder Dog by Michael Hingson which inspired the birth of my very own inspirational and teaching memoir — Indestructible: The Hidden Gifts of Trauma. Both are written by authors from a trauma-filled upbringing yet, the resilience, perseverance, and courage to triumph over adversity are palpable. It cannot be ignored and serves to uplift the energy of not just the reader but also the community.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? Maybe we’ll inspire our readers to start it…

The movement I would love to spark is to HEAL. To no longer walk around and bulldoze through life in survival mode in bandages. It is time to heal the root cause of your triggers and respond with the gifts your trauma or challenges have provided for you. However, that looks like, through talk therapy, retreats, spiritual interventions, books, etc. the need to recognize that you are powerful, worthy, deserving, and whole no matter what life has dealt you. Healing is key to living a fulfilling and rewarding life.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote” that you use to guide yourself?

Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life and how our readers might learn to live by it in theirs?

“You are a spiritual being having a human experience.” There are two parts of us, the human who is limited to what it can see, touch, smell, and taste in this material world and who identifies with the labels of your background: ethnicity, culture, lifestyle, gender, education, economic, religion, etc. The spiritual being is the aspect of yourself that recognizes that you are beyond such human conditions. You are beyond the color of your skin, your educational background, and that there is more to life than what you see or touch in this earth plane. Spirit or energy is not limited by time or space but is infinite. It cannot be created or destroyed, it can, however, be cultivated, transformed, and transmuted. This quote reminds me to honor both parts of me and marry the two so that I can always be in my best and highest good.