It may seem like yesterday that you were holding a baby in your arms. Time passes fast and you won’t be the first parent to feel completely unprepared for the next stage. Whether your child is heading to university, moving out, or starting their own family, your relationship will need to evolve.

It may feel like the landscape of your whole relationship has changed and you need to figure out the boundaries all over again. Parenting an adult child is no different to parenting a small child- you just have to keep trying. Here are some ways you can build a strong bond with your adult child.

Embrace Their Uniqueness

Your child may not follow a path that you feel would be good for them. You may have many ideas about what your child would be good at or where their life should go. This doesn’t mean your child has to agree with you.

Every person has the right to forge their own path. As a parent, it’s important to manage your expectations and let your child know they are loved and have your support whichever path they choose to take.

Set Boundaries

As your adult child gets older, the boundaries will change. If you’re used to talking to each other everyday, you may need to accept the fact this won’t happen anymore. When an adult child no longer lives under your roof, they may want their own space.

Get used to calling ahead before you visit and scheduling time to spend with them. You may not talk on the phone every day but be sure to contact your child regularly. This is often the best way to pick up on any hardships they may be going through.

Avoid Giving Advice

This works well for every type of adult relationship. Your child wants to know that you’ll be there without offering unsolicited advice each time they share personal information with you. All you have to do is sit and listen.

It’s worth remembering that young adults will often make mistakes, big and small. It could be anything from the wrong relationship to trouble with the law. The fix could range from a tub of ice-cream to bail bonds. Whatever kind of mistakes your child makes, always be the constant.

Keep Communicating

Communication is a two way street but there are lots of reasons why an adult child may not be forthcoming with information. It could be guilt or feeling the weight of your judgment. When children feel attacked by parents, they tend to run and hide.

Never invalidate your child’s feelings, even if they hurt you. Build a space where your adult child feels safe to voice anything to you. This is often the biggest key in building a strong relationship that stands the test of time.

Plan Dates

Spending quality time with your child is precious and that should never change, no matter how old they get. It’s important to take opportunities where they arise to communicate face-to-face with your child. The best way to do this is to engage in activities you both enjoy.

It could be going to watch a movie together or eating out in your favorite restaurant. It may just be spending a quiet night at home playing scrabble or a louder night at a concert. Find something you can both enjoy doing together and the rest will come naturally.

Avoid A Guilt Trip

It’s common for parents to find it difficult when an adult child goes out into the world alone. It may feel like losing a limb and it can take a lot of time to get used to. However, it can help to view it from your child’s perspective.

Finding their way through the world and creating a life for themselves is exciting and scary. It’s unlikely that they’ll make you a top priority so you may feel forgotten about. Avoid making your child feel guilty about this. Take every opportunity given to you to talk and spend time together but be understanding when your child heads back to their own life.

Gracefully Accept Criticism

It’s inevitable that your child will criticize the way you do things at some point. What’s vital is how you take the criticism. Not all criticism will be constructive but you’ll need to learn to take it on the chin anyway.

In some cases adult children can shed light on how to make the relationship between you both stronger. There may be ways that you have parented because of the way your own parents did things. Listening to your child and making adjustments where necessary is a great way to break generational curses and ensure your child has a good relationship with their own children.

Be A Friend

As a child enters into adulthood, the rules of friendship become more useful. Think about how you treat your friends and how you can apply that to your relationship with your child. For instance, you’d never walk into a friend's bedroom without knocking.

Similarly, you’d never tell a friend’s secrets to anyone else. Let your child know that you’re trustworthy through your actions. Be a confidant- someone your child knows they rely on through thick and thin. Sit and listen without judgment and make yourself available at any time.

Trust Your Child 

Trust is something that has to be earned but your child can’t earn it if you still put yourself in the position of rescuer. It’s natural to want to rescue a child every time they get into a sticky situation but this won’t do either of you any good. You have to start trusting that your child has the tools to live life without your interference.

As your child ages, you should become more of a sounding board rather than someone who aids in making decisions. Trust that you have given your child everything they need to handle what the world throws at them.

Never Play The Blame Game

There are always two sides to every story. If your relationship with your child has broken down, you may find yourself in a bit of rut. You both feel hurt but neither is willing to claim responsibility.

Playing the blame game only adds to the separation and does nothing to fix the problem. To move forward, you both need to take on responsibility to do better in the future. Fishing through the past for every incidence of hurt will not help to shape a better future.

Check In Regularly

As you get used to the new routine with your adult child, you may assume that not hearing anything means nothing is wrong. If you haven’t talked in a while, start making a habit of just checking in. It’s easy for bad days to turn to worse when there’s no-one checking in on you.

It could take a while for your child to become forthcoming with what’s happening in their life. You may feel like pulling blood out of stone. The better your lines of communication are, the easier it will be to tell when your child needs some TLC.

Talk As Equals

Your child may be very insightful when it comes to your own life. In addition to being a friend to your child, allow your child to be a friend to you. View your relationship as equal instead of how it has been while raising your child.

Be relaxed in each other's company and always treat each other with respect. If you’re repairing a broken relationship, starting off with these basics will help. Remember that it’s okay to go inch by inch and brick by brick.

Learn To Disagree

The relationship between parent and child is so close that when a disagreement occurs, it hurts much more than any other type of relationship. This is why it’s so important for you to learn how to disagree with each other in a healthy way.

When you know how to have conflict and quickly resolve it, you can maintain a strong relationship. It’s okay for your child to disagree with you and dislike the way you do things. Respond with patience and grace instead of silent treatment or other punishments.

Seek Help

It’s okay to admit that your relationship needs help. If you’re at a loss as to how to repair or build a strong relationship with your child, you may need an outsider's point of view. Having an unbiased voice to guide you in your relationship is a great way to equip yourself for the future.

It can help you to both recognize your short falls and commit to doing better going forward. Talking to a counselor or therapist together is a great step in mending your relationship and making sure you don’t make the same mistakes again. Mending a parent/child relationship can help both of you to find more satisfaction in other areas of your life.

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